At Restore, we like to talk about our created selves— who we are made to be underneath the messages of shame we carry, and the self-protective ways we’ve learned to be in the world. Somewhere along the way, we discover that shame is not the most true thing about us. We find that those self-protective strategies are no longer serving us well. We aren’t experiencing the connection we desire. We wish that we could be really seen and known by others as we are.
For me, I learned over the years to avoid whatever was painful. I was uncomfortable with the weight of my own sadness, or anger, and assumed that others would be as well, so instead I turned inward, learned to be numb. The best way I can describe it is like sleepwalking through my own life. It took an immensely painful personal season to shake me awake, to open the floodgates of feeling. Then I realized I had cut off part of what it was for me to be fully human. Ever since, I’ve been working to get more comfortable with my emotions.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been overwhelmed by an upcoming transition. There are losses associated with this change, and I’ve felt the sadness looming. As I sat and talked with a group of trusted friends, I kept trying to stuff the emotion down (a strategy I’m well accustomed to using). However, it kept popping back up. The lump in my throat grew.
Finally, my tears could not be stopped. I knew I was safe with this group of people. And I found myself sobbing openly in front of them. Admittedly, I can count on one hand the number of times I have allowed someone other than my husband or therapist to see me fully cry like this.
And what happened? These friends looked at me with kindness in their eyes. They sat quietly surrounding me, not rushing me through it. They affirmed what I felt and pointed out how much my caring matters. They saw me, and they knew me.
As I reflected on this moment afterward, it reminded me of how special the work I get to do is. I consider it an honor to bear witness to the beauty and courage of people letting themselves be known. To be entrusted with learning the ways they have felt too much or not enough. And to uncover the truth together of who they were uniquely created to be. What a privilege!