Working in ministry and working as a mentor in people's lives continually puts me in a position to be with people: listening to them, trying to empathize with them, trying to faithfully serve them. 9 times out of 10, I love that I get to live life that way.
A couple weeks back, though, I read a convincing quote by an unknown source that began to challenge an aspect of my people-oriented lifestyle in ministry and counseling:
“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”
Ever since following Jesus in a more intentional way, I’ve always felt that “setting ourselves on fire” in a figurative way “to keep other people warm” was a good and godly attribute.
Jesus listened to others, so I listen to others.
Jesus helped others, so I help others.
Jesus died to self interest, so I die to self interest.
Yet, as I hold the reality of Jesus’ life and actions in mind while also holding the meaning of the quote in mind, I sense a good bit of tension. In one part of me, I hear Jesus telling me to “give everything and to die to myself for the sake of others” while another part of me is saying “slow down and stop sacrificing so much for the good of others" because of that author's quote. A tension point, for sure.
If you’re anything like me, something about “being set on fire to keep other people warm” feels really life-giving. In a weird way, that statement alone serves as a magnet to my heart. But now, as I begin living life as a husband and father, I’m beginning to learn the beauty of setting boundaries with serving others and noticing that disaster unfolds when I don’t. I’m learning to open up my Bible and see that God the Father rested on the seventh day (Genesis 1-2), that God the Son went out in the wilderness to seek out solitude (Luke 5), and that God the Holy Spirit is called the comforter with reason (John 14). In a sense, I’m learning that God Himself embodies rest and boundaries so that I could both enjoy Him and not burn myself up in disaster.
Next time I want to be “go go go” with anything and everything in life, I need to slow down and set some boundaries to guard my schedule and health. (And if I had to guess, maybe you do, too). As you go, remember that there's beauty and purpose in saying no, because in saying no we get to say yes in being with Him, ourselves, our families, and those closest to us in an intentional and intimate way.
By Nick Sweeerin, Restorative Mentor