A few weeks ago, I took a trip to the beach with my family and some friends. On the first full day of our trip, we woke up to beautiful weather and a clear forecast all day. My husband had to work that day and was not available to accompany us, but I was determined to go to the beach despite the obvious challenge of managing three small children. After breakfast, we packed up for a day of sand and sun with four children under the age of 4. The van was full.
I wanted to make the day fun and easy for everyone. I wanted to manage my children myself so they wouldn’t get in the way of anyone having a good time. Nobody would regret coming to the beach with Kate and her kids.
We arrived at the beach. Step 1: Unload the van and take all supplies to the beach in one trip. I loaded up my arms to capacity and started the trek. I noticed that my good friend was carrying one of my bags along with her child. “Give me that bag,” I said. “You don’t have to carry my stuff.” She handed me the bag. It was too much. I took one step and my whole body started to tip over. I took another step… right into a log. I fell over the log and onto my face, arms still full. Permission to giggle at the visual granted.
I think a lot of us feel this way when we are overburdened, with anxiety, stressors, difficult circumstances, or a history of trauma. Reaching out for help is hard. It is a big deal and a huge step to think about sharing the things we are carrying. You don’t have to carry my stuff. What if I get rejected? What if I’m too much?
The important thing to remember is that, like in my story, when we share our experiences and emotions with a trusted other, whether it be a friend, family member, or therapist, we’re not asking them to carry our stuff forever or to own it. We’re asking them to help hold it for a time. We were created by a loving God to share our experiences and feelings. He actually created our brains to validate and regulate each other’s emotions. How beautiful! My heart is moved in praise when I think about how our God created us to heal alongside each other.
Galations 6:2 says “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
If you are thinking about reaching out, I am so proud of you. That is a huge step. To encourage you further, there are willing hands, ears, and hearts here at Restore Counseling Services. We want to help you “hold your stuff.” We want to walk next to you, to share the heavy stuff, so that it feels lighter for all of us.
By Kate Boltz, Restorative Mentor/Emotional Health Professional